Life lessons

at a funeral

Death brings us together…just like weddings and births. It’s when we gather as family & friends…console the grieving, remember the one who passed and reflect on life…and our lives. People laugh, they cry…they are vulnerable and show more of who they really are.

We just had one of those experiences with a family member by marriage who we’ve known for years, but we found out didn’t really know as well as we should have.

The funeral service was more of a learning experience than I’ve ever had at one of these things. Aspects of the deceased life came out that illuminated me. I wished I had known him better. We had more in common than I thought.

Now there were also some issues…things I was not fond of that I knew first hand…but we all have those, don’t we ? Who has the “perfect, flawless” friend ?

Part of what I witnessed,,,and it was not overt was a sort of rural/urban divide. This was a service in a small, old rural church…much like the one we were married in…but ours was even older by about 200 years and closer to the coast. Hence the difference.But this was “their weekly church”…ours had a deep family connection and was not near us.

Nature was all around us…and it was a beautiful day.

We all retired to the local American Legion for lunch ( many of us did not know he was a Vet) …and family groups sat together at tables…and we all caught up, told stories and enjoyed our time together.

No one talked politics and it was probably a good thing. It would have ruined the moment.

There were things in this building that surprised me…and I knew if some of these folks who were regulars there read some of my recent substacks, I would probably not be welcome…or at the very least there would have been a vocal “debate” about the state of the union and those who want to lead us.

That was not the time or the place for debates.

But my takeaway is this…especially in the political moment we are in. We must communicate and I mean really talk with our loved ones…don’t cut them off because they have a different point of view.

When we cut THEM off it just confirms their notion that we are “better than”. We need to be factual and consistent…and not all emotional. We can agree to disagree…or maybe actually move the needle a little bit. But we can only do that if we continue to talk…we have FAR more in common than not….and yes, there are very toxic folks who it’s impossible to just talk with…I see a lot of “cheap shots” in social media…and I don’t want to be that guy….but I think the ones who are impossible to talk with are the minority…especially if you have history together…and there’s a level of trust from your past. Find something to agree on…then go from there.

Peace & love